The Loch Ness Monster

The fabled fake in the lake

Much may be made of a Scotsman if he's caught young

- Dr Samuel Johnson

"The legendary Loch Ness Monster"

Every year thousands of visitors arrive at Loch Ness in hope of seeing the Loch Ness Monster and perhaps catching her on film. The creature, affectionately known as 'Nessie', is a national treasure. There are still regular sightings of Scotland's beloved monster recorded by the official Loch Ness Monster web site:
www.lochness.co.uk

Explanations are many. Perhaps she's a forgotten dinosaur? Perhaps she's an apparition? Or perhaps she is a he? The cold murky loch has great potential to hide a monster. If you took all the water from England's lakes, streams and reservoirs and poured it into the 24 mile, 450 feet deep (average depth) space occupied by Loch Ness, there would still be room for more.

"A recent out of focus photograph of the Loch Ness Monster"

The legendary monster is more than likely just an illusion - a classic case of Scotch mist. A whole industry has been concocted around this fabulous Jurassic beast in the form of visitor centres, boat trips, fan clubs, countless high quality souvenirs and even a Hollywood movie. Call me an old cynic if you will but I'd swear the 1930s equivalent of the shrewd business-like Scottish Tourist Board met near Loch Ness to fabricate a sightseeing delusion. A scenario so improbable, it's swallowed by millions. Our monstrous mirage plays on the side of people's minds which suggests 'there just might be something out there'.

"Rare sighting of the Duddingston Loch Monster"

Did You Know? In 1999, an Australian woman, Tammy Van Wisse, swam the 24-mile length of Loch Ness in nine hours and six minutes. She beat the previous record (held by Nessie) by twenty minutes.

In his biography, written around 665 (published by Dan Press), St Columba (521-97) was said to have triumphed over a 'water beast' in the River Ness by preventing the monster from biting a swimmer in the 6th century. Now that sounds painful. Widespread Highland belief stated that water horses or kelpies inhabited nearly every lake in Scotland. These were believed to be evil spirits that lured travellers to their death by drowning. Other Scottish lochs boast their own monsters. Next to 'Nessie' in the popularity stakes is 'Morag' of Loch Morar, followed by a batch of distant cousins in Loch Sheil, Loch Lomond, Loch Rannoch, Loch Tay and Loch Arkaig.

Sceptics would say that sightings of 'Nessie' are caused by: Wishful thinking. Mirage or hallucinations. Cardboard cut-outs created by local primary school children. Wind and heavy rain on the water's surface. Boats, submarines or cross-channel ferries. Inanimate objects like tree trunks, stones, picnic hampers or old socks. Creatures like otters, seals, fish, deer, birds, crocodiles or Indian elephants. Whisky or Drambuie. The sun peeking out from behind the clouds, casting a dark shadow on the rippling loch. Real life hoaxes like Roger Plumpton from Northampton (England) who in 1978 dressed up as a green monster and swam the length of Loch Ness. Sadly his papier maché costume disintegrated in the water.

Did You Know? The Loch Ness Monsters is the name of a Scottish Country Dance group at the University of Dortmund (Germany).

A group of scientists in 1987, intrigued by the various reported sightings of the monster, set sail in twenty cruisers and methodically swept the loch with hi-tech sonar equipment. Plenty of fish were recorded, but there was no sign of 'Nessie'. Unsuccessful attempts to find her were also made by submarine. With each reported sighting, the mythical monster's reputation is further enhanced and despite the flimsy evidence and blurred photographs, the fascination with 'Nessie' will no doubt continue for many years to come.