What's Under the Kilt?

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Q. Where should I buy my kilt?

A. You'd be stark raving bonkers to go anywhere but Kilt Store - the world's best quality kilts at rock-bottom prices!

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Conclusion

The stereotypically stern Scot lives in an ancient mythical land. Thanks to this sedate publication, you're probably NOT any closer to finding out about the modern Scotland hiding behind the tartan packaging. You'll need to do this on your own. Thankfully this book has colour photographs and fine illustrations because the text may have created more myths than it has solved! Never mind, at least we can finally unravel the distinguished scholastic query - What's under the kilt

Visitor: What's worn under the kilt?

Scotsman: (prepares to tell an ancient joke) Nothing, it's all in perfect working order.

Visitor: (pauses) No really, are you a true Scot?

Scotsman: Can you not see the dandruff on my shoes?

Visitor: (polite laugh) No, come on, what do you wear under your kilt?

Scotsman: (in full flow) Well, put your hand up my kilt and if you find a quarter pounder, I'm a Macdonald and if you find a tin of soup, I'm a Campbell. If it's 98% fat free, I'm a Baxter.

Visitor: (pretending to be shocked) Will you not answer my question? I can always buy a mirror (veiled threat). What's under the kilt? (One last attempt)

Scotsman: (with a grin on his face) The future of Scotland.

Haste ye back

"Trust a Scot to invent the raincoat"

Ten things NOT to say in Scotland:

	Trust a Scotsman to clone a sheep.
	Three (it sounds like 'free' and this may cause a stampede).
	You Scotch speak funny English.
	It's lovely here in England, where's Scotland Yard?
	Is that a skirt you're wearing?
	A whisky and Diet Coke please.
	Is a Highlander with four sheep known as a pimp?
	Will the weather improve?
	Have you had your oats?
	Did Scotland win the football last night?

Acknowledgements

Book Published by Cadies/Witchery Tours www.witcherytours.com
Published online by Scotweb Ltd. www.scotweb.co.uk
Researched by Lorna Baxter.
Written by Robin Mitchell.
Additional writing by Cameron Pirie.
Edited by Pat Gawler (Tel: 0131 665 7970).
Photographs by Mark Craig (Tel: 07801 374 145).
Last Photograph in Whisky section was taken in the Scotch Whisky Heritage Centre www.whisky-heritage.co.uk
Last Photograph in Kilts section was taken in the Tartan Weaving Centre www.scotweb.co.uk/edinburgh/weaving
Illustrations by M. Thomson, Bryan Davies and Andy Docherty.

Pants featured in Being Mean section courtesy of Doreen.
Book Designed by Firecrest Design (Tel: 0131 667 5335).
Book Publication ©Robin Mitchell 2000.
Web site ©Robin Mitchell and Scotweb Ltd.
No part of this publication can be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the prior permission of Robin Mitchell.
Book Printed by Interprint (Tel: 0131 662 9888).

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